Girlfriends

What's better than a true-blue, got-your-back, listen-to-you-whine, hold-your-hair-while-you-puke, hate-the-guy-who-broke-your-heart, tell-you-the-truth-whether-you-want-to-hear-it-or-not, listen-to-the-same-sad-story-over-and-over-again, laugh-till-you-pee, eat-till-you're-sick, hug-till-you-feel-better girlfriend? I'll tell you what...NOTHING!

There is nothing better than getting together with your girlfriends and taking turns sharing the trials and tribulations of what's going on. It's amazing to share your troubles, get the hugs and encouraging words you need from your girlfriend and then switch hats to become the listener. And if you're true GIRLFRIENDS no one leaves feeling unheard, unloved or unvalidated.

I want to take this opportunity to thank my TRUE GIRLFRIENDS. I would not, could not make it without you. I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

A New Adventure

So, I have recently begun to work out. It started out as an act of desperation meant to stop (or at least slow) my rapid descent into obesity and poor health. I dragged myself to that blasted gym whether I felt upto it or not. I forced myself onto that wretched treadmill and walked while listening to hits from Abba and Neil Diamond on my handy MP3 player. Well, it's been about a month and.....I'm HOOKED!! The days I don't go for some reason don't feel right anymore. I started out barely able to do 5 minutes on the treadmill. Now I am up to nearly an hour!!! I'm feeling so much better. I can't wait to continue on this new and exciting adventure.

To Work Or Not To Work-That Is The Question

I have been lucky enough to stay at home with my youngest child his entire life. He is currently just over two years old. I cannot tell you what a privilege it has been to have this opportunity. When my other sons were born I was back to work before they were two months old. This was completely out of financial necessity, not my desire. Anyway, my husband's business has allowed me to stay home this time. However, the current economic climate has caused our business to fail. I am now faced with the decision of whether to go back to work now or wait less than a year for our little one to start preschool. I don't want to give up this last few months with him, but our family is sacrificing everyday for me to continue as a stay-at-home-mom....I just don't know...stay tuned!

Does anybody know...???

Does anybody know when exactly there was a universal vote where it was decided that mothers would be responsible for the health, well-being and happiness of every member of our dear families???

I am sure you know what I am speaking of... When one of the children is sick-MOM comes to the rescue, cooking special meals, rubbing aching backs, cleaning up snotty tissues (or worse!).

When hubby is sick-WIFE to the rescue, completing all of the tasks listed above as well as agreeing in a very soothing voice that not since Job has anyone suffered through the trials that have befallen him at this moment.

And it goes without saying that WIFE/MOM is also responsible for all of the daily duties we routinely perform-carpool, cooking, cleaning, organizing schedules, playing taxi-driver, helping with homework, etc, etc, etc.

BUT! If mom gets sick? There is no rescue party! MOM is on her own, and not only to care for herself. Unless in traction, every mom I know continues to do all of the things that have to be done for her family.

And let's talk about vacations. MOM packs everyone up, makes the reservations, finds the map, loads the car, plans activities to keep little ones engaged in the car.

Having arrived, MOM unpacks, plans the activities, drags family to said activities, solves any and all crises as they develop.

At vacation's end, MOM repeats this entire process in reverse for the trip home. DAD gets two weeks off from his job, MOM's don't get vacations!

And yet, I don't know a MOM who would give up a second of this paradise!

Some of GOD's Greatest Gifts...

...are unanswered prayers. Garth Brooks did a song about it. How many times have you dropped to your knees in earnest prayer, begging GOD for that job, that promotion, that home, the love of that person, only to be disappointed? How many times did you feel bitterness well up inside at the unfairness of life as you watched another move into what should have been YOUR office? And how many times have you looked back, with the clearer vision of hindsight, to see what a blessing it is that your prayer went "unanswered". GOD knows what we need. HE knows what is best. Pray not for what you want, but for what HE does. I guess that's what the phrase "Let go & Let GOD" means.

A study in parental alienation

It is a disgrace for any parent to talk to a child the way that Alec Baldwin did to his daughter. There is no excuse. But, if you have followed the case of his divorce from Kim Basinger at all, you know the frustration he must be feeling. The words he directed at his daughter reflected what he feels toward her mother. I am fully aware that my perception of the events is probably greatly colored by the experience I have had.

I have been helping to raise my three stepsons for almost ten years. In that time, their mother was more out than in their lives. The boys were three (twins) and two years old when I joined the family. At that point, their daddy had been raising them alone for a year. My "hubby" and I have never said anything negative about their mother, nor will we. She was at a strange place where her own life and parties were her priority. She was not available to them much during that time. We would track her down and make her spend a few minutes with the boys from time to time. However, she would spend the time convincing them that she didn't see them because their dad would not allow it.

In recent years she has reprioritized her life and remarried, having two more children with the new husband. (In the between time she had a son with another man. He lives with his father.) We were thrilled that she was settling down and becoming a positive influence on the boys again. We allowed them to all spend time together anytime, regardless of the custody agreement. She began to fight in court for custody of them, but was unsuccessful several times. Each time she filed new papers she got more ruthless. The last time, she accused their dad of abuse and of doing drugs. Based on her allegations, we were subjected to an investigation by CPS as well as a criminal investigation. We spent the next five months battling it out in court, restrained from seeing the boys, in emotional hell. Eventually, all the charges were found to be false, but she still gained custody of the boys. The court appointed mediator told us that once the allegations are on the record, they pretty much always transfer custody to the accusing parent. We were appalled.

For years their mother has done all she can to alienate the boys from this side of their family. She tells them lies about their father. She promises them things like jet skis and dirt bikes to entice them to back up her stories. If there is ever an occasion where their dad is late to pick them up she tells them it is proof that he doesn't love them. She has forced them to call her new husband "dad" (as well as several other men throughout the years). She tells them she is miserable without them and can't be happy if they are with us. She has even told them that if they love us it means they don't love her! I have never met a person more skilled in the art of manipulation. We want to have them back home with us, but are hesitant to pursue it for several reasons. The first of which is that she is scary! She went so far with her allegations last time, that there is only one more place she could go if she decides to fight dirty again. We could be accused of anything. We have three other sons to think about. They were interviewed by CPS last time and it really traumatized them. Secondly, the boys have not had a peaceful year in their lives for so long. We want to give them a chance to just be kids and go to school and have friends without having to worry about where they will live next month. Thirdly, we pay child support each month that leaves us with absolutely no money left over for attorney fees. (BTW-she NEVER made a single payment of the child support she was ordered to pay for 8 years.) So, you can see we are torn as to what to do. Also, if she is in the right mood, things are not so bad the way they are. She sometimes acts as though she wants us to spend huge amounts of time with them. When that is the case we are almost afraid to rock the boat. The situation changes often, depending on some invisible force that affects their mother's moods. There are times when she is generous and allows us to see the kids extra times. Then, there are times when she makes it almost impossible. (On Father's Day last year we were two minutes late to pick up the boys and called her from around the corner to say we were almost there. She put them in the car and left, refusing to let them come with us. While we were in church later she called to say we could have them if we wanted to drive forty miles away to pick them up. We of course did and she acted as though it was just the normal plan. It's as though she forgets the horrible things she does.)

I have a thousand examples of the ways she has damaged our kids and hurt us to the bone. My point in this incredible post is this:

Do not punish your children for the sins of their parents. No matter what has occurred in your marriage/divorce the children are innocent victims. Children of divorce have enough to worry about without being dragged into an ugly mess such as this. No matter what she does next, we will take it on the chin and continue to say only positive things about her to the children. They are what matters. The key to good parenting (one of the many) is keeping any of that animosity completely seperate from any interaction with your children. This becomes difficult when the other parent does not follow this same behavior. Any of you out there dealing with a bitter and vindictive ex knows what I am talking about. You just have to take a deep breath, bite your tongue and smile through the pain. The payoff will be worth it!

Today's The Day!

Ok everyone! Today's the day...to what, you ask? Well, to do whatever it is you have been putting off until a better time. Don't wait to start your diet, call that old friend, clean out that closet, get together for lunch with your best girls... Life is too short to waste it waiting for the "right time". Now IS the "right time". Tomorrow is not a promise, it is but a wish. Use today to its fullest. I promise if you do so, your tomorrow will be even better than you'd hoped!